“You know what I think?” she says. “That people’s memories are maybe the fuel they burn to stay alive. Important memories, not-so-important memories, totally useless memories: there’s no distinction–they’re all just fuel.”― Haruki Murakami, After Dark
Memories have always been the drug of my choice I guess. More like a romanticized approach to masochism. I like preserving time; I like reliving those moments which were even slightly better than the countless identical moments life is made up of. But it doesn’t necessarily work out well for me every time. Memories hurt, especially the ones that are no longer a part of my present. And going over those memories again & again is like trying to cut my heart out with a shard of glass; and I do it anyway. But hey, it’s the New Year. I’ll talk about the good part. About how memories remind me that I am very lucky. Very lucky to have had great people in my life, to have been to wonderful places, to have had experiences worth remembering. Also, memories are a great teacher. They’re an effective scale to gauge how far you’ve come in life. I’d like to conclude with an example:
This is a brunch receipt from 1st January, 2015. I was pretty accurate in what I wrote, it was quite a screwed up situation. Although at that moment it was everything I could’ve hoped for. I can still feel the lingering shadow of how happy I was when I wrote it. Just that sometimes, what you think is the best, is probably just a tiny bit better than everything you’ve known till then. And this, you realize only with time.
It’s 1st January, 2016 today and what I wrote about is long gone. But I’m here and life’s pretty awesome. Just saying, chill the fuck out, everything works out in the end. To new mistakes, new lessons and new memories. Happy 2016, another chance to get right!